Just One More

Just One More…

As I sit at the bar

alone in my thoughts.

Lost to the outside,

nothing left  inside.

I swallow my last,

just one more time.

And I don’t care

really about anything.

Anywhere.

Just one more.

And I can go home

to rest.

Just one more and

I can forget who

I am.

Drunk to oblivion.

Lead me to it.

I can feel awareness

start to slip away,

and I’m really lost

I know it inside.

Just one more…

I’m so sad.

I leave the bar.

Unsettled in my head.

I do not look back,

I cannot look ahead.

Trapped in this moment

in an infinite space in

time.

I journey in my car,

somehow knowing the

way home.

Driving…

Something thumps beneath

my car,

but I do not stop.

I feel the presence

of Death, heavy

thumping, thudding in my ear.

Much like the music

pounding in my head.

I don’t look back,

but if I had

I would have

seen a child laying

broken in the street.

I do not care.

I would not care.

Nothing matters but

this moment.

Knowing there is

more beer waiting for me.

Just one more…

And I can ride on

the cloudth.

I can live like

I’ve dreamed.

That I’m dead,

that I am death.   

That I’m no more.

I don’t remember parking

the car, looking back.

I remember the void

as it swallows me whole.

I’ve drunken myself

to where I was meant to be.

Dead.

I am dead.

Heart stopped, no pulse.

Oh’ please do not let

them find a pulse.

I look back upon my

dead body,  ready

to leave this space and

finally go forward.

Death welcomes me here.

I see the boy who

I must of killed

he crys out to me,

“Why?”

I enter into more pain

then I’ve ever known.

I finally feel what

regret is like.

I have lost all

and gained nothing.

I have found a Hell

worse than being alive.

Now that I’m dead,

I finally face reality.

Now that I’m gone,

I finally see.

That there never

was an answer

in the bottle,

but only Death,

and the eternal fires

of Hell, that trap

me from within.