Tale of the Pack

In the Land of the Pack,
The Old King lain down his mighty sword,
only to be borne away to fight for an ancient enemy.

But, the Pack, never to wallow in despair, found
faith in a New King, a new sword, mightier still.

The land breathed a new rhythm, a new song,
A new destiny of glory beyond measure.

Hearts beat as one, like the echo of a drum,
a million hearts beat for them.
Yearning, ever seeking, ever hoping to quench
an eternal dream for their beloved.

May the glory you seek, may you find.
May it be yours, as you are worthy to carry
such a sword.

May you strike fear and dread into the hearts
of your enemies ever as the Bear King
fears the mighty Hammer of Thor,
Woodson, Tramon, our Shields are strong,

Where the Hawk soars,
a castle's defenses are impenetrable.

When the New King leads his army into
battle against the Old King, the time
of the Viking is over.
For whenever one king falls,
a new one arises to take his place.

May glory be to The Pack,
love saturated in a sea of
green and gold.
Glory to The Pack.

We love thee no matter what occurs.
Never doubt there is strength inside
the mighty walls of your fortress
that the enemy fears above all things.

****************************

The battle has come

The Old King makes his last stand,
the mournful sound of the Viking horn
fading in his lament, begins to wither away
into a hollow of utter defeat.

The Pack marches on, stronger than ever now.
Strong to defend the mighty fortress of Lambeau.
The force of attack shall break any barrier,
enemies may not defend against.

The White Spirit looks on, always with the Pack,
for the Pack shall always prevail inside,
spirits of champions dwell within.

Glory be to the Pack,
sang the faithful
people of Lambeau.
Glory be to the Pack.

Loyalty, our hearts are yours,
Glory be to the Pack,
forever more.

**********************

The Old King, drawn down in the
depths of utter defeat,
Viking ships sunk, lost in a purple haze.

So the Pack fights on. The New King's
leadership strong.
Ever trusting him to lead us into battle.
Ever trusting our defenses to hold.

The Pack, wounded and battered,
stood strong on faith and utter will
to survive. Tales of their demise
were not to be.

Eagles, Falcons, we fear you not.
Nor creatures of the sky, nor the Bear King,
who hung his head in shame and defeat
as the Pack brought him to his knees,
where still he remains, pride and dignity
lost.

All battles, this road we have traveled,
has led to a battle against an enemy of steel.
The Pack fears not.
For the New King, beloved,
leads the charge forth,
no army of steel can withstand.

As the Pack's defenses had proven,
Where the mighty Thor lays his hammer down,
you shall not pass. For stronger than steel
are the defenses of the Pack.

Now at long last, the last battle fought and won.
The Pack stands tall, exalted.
Green and gold light tremulous within,
glows like an aura, emotion
so strong, vibrating straight into your
solar plexus.

The Pack of the mighty.
Nothing they cannot overcome.
Strong, together, united.
A force so strong you can feel the
energy crackle within your very being
when they take the battle field.

Song in our hearts.
Song of the Pack.
Sweet victory be yours.
Evermore we shalt love thee!

THE WATERED NOT

Have you ever looked into a fire ravaged land,

and found a single bloom of a flower,

growing wild, free, all on its own?

Have you ever looked at the sky,

on a flaming night, alive, so alive,

but yet able to find,

only a single star in the void?

Because there will come days,

when darkness will come,

the shootout will take its

final fall.

And we alone,

only the strong survive.

But if you only open your

eyes to the now,

you will see all that’s

to come.

The Dawn has yet to arrive.

For I was the lone flower that

bloomed in the midst of chaos.

One single light shines in the

darkest parts of the city.

And when the emptiness

becomes too much to bear,

find light, seek it like

nothing ever before.

For the darkness will come so

fast, your eyes will not even

have the chance to adjust.

And then what do you do

when you find out the truth

too late?

Can you take it back, can you?

can you bring back what has

already gone?

Save what has been lost for

eternity?

The question is ours.

The answer is set before you.

The veil is lifting, lifted.

Soon it will be revealed,

what is is to be, and what is to come.

And you should have watered

the flower while you still had the chance.

The Ship

THE SHIP

Welcome my friends,
You are now ready to
embark on your greatest
adventure.  You can open
your eyes at any time.
You can even fall asleep
if you want to.  This
is your creation now.
In your minds eye, visualize 
 yourself and one
special person on a beach;
It can be any beach you
want.  Be it a beach you have
never been to before or one
that you have been to.
Look above you, you see
seagulls circling overhead.
Their cries echo in your
ind.  Look down, you see
endless miles of white sand.
Your feet are bare.
Look out to sea.  You see a
ship, it’s huge and appears
to be heading towards a
distant shore.  Walk to the
harbor.  Your companion
follows, ever at your side.
You don’t have to walk, you
can fly.  Fly high at one with
the seagulls.  They speak your
language, listen to them, they
can speak of the future.
You can fly anywhere you want,
just remember your true
destination:  the ship.

*(reader:  pause for about
15 seconds)*

Now it is time to join your
friends on the ship.
Land on the port (left) side of
the ship.  On board the ship you
see people you know, and those
souls that you have never encountered
before.  Some people are just landing,
as you are.  Others have been there
for hours.  And still others are
still flying. 
Wait for everyone to land.
There are not many people,
just about 30.
The ship is large enough so that
everyone has their own private apace.
you talk to the people there,
Some have been there before,
still others are new.
After a short time you
grow tired of talking and
begin to search for your
own private space.  You find
it and lay down.
You rest. The sun is warm upon
your skin. Warming your very soul.
Your entire body begins to relax,
starting from you feet and all the 
way to your head.
Your breath is even, you are calm.
The open stillness resonates within
your soul. Cleansing you from within.
All sounds from outside melt away.
There is nothing but healing energy
and light surrounding you. Healing you.
Stay in this light and become one with it.

*(reader pause for about 10 minutes 
to allow meditative state to enjoy)

Slowly, as if from a great distance
stretched across the fold of time,
you begin to hear the sound of 
seagulls once again. Awareness begins 
to settle in like a calming wave.
The calm, peaceful feeling resonates 
within you still.
You begin to open your eyes and notice
others doing the same. Surfacing.
Your body, mind and spirit feel renewed.
The ship melts away as you return to full
awareness. The peaceful, calm healing 
energy will remain within you for some time. 
The ship ever awaits to offer you a place
to heal and renew your spirit and energies. 

A meditation technique taught to me by a Master, translated.

The Call of Pluto

In the Deepness of this World,

I have seldom seen what I seeketh,

the quiet is disturbing,

the azure blue of the sky

A melody I cannot contemplate.

I lost control.

I just lost control.

In one moment the world fell

from beneath me.

The ground quivered like my

heartbeat.

The air, the space around me

began to be a pounding drum.

I fell through the Worlds

one by one.

Planet by planet.

The stillness spirals around me.

From the inside I hear me breathing.

I hear the silence the stillnesss

like a gunshot echoes

into the distant past.

I look for the solution.

I choke on the Rain as

I try to quench my growing thirst.

The planets spin without mercy.

Please, let me grow, let me be.

Just let me be.

Let me exist in space.

Calling me to Pluto.

Like someone calling me home.

My world died out there.

And I just the empty matter

that remains after

an explosion.

It echoed through my head,

A damning beat.

It vibrates my blood,

the air is not still.

To Pluto I journey.

Alone and lost,

making my way  home.

Pluto’s cold chill welcomes me

And I don’t fear the silence anymore.

I don’t fear anything.

But Death I am,

As all things Death will be.

Lockdown

     My name is Harmon Bradshock. I had a family once.  A wife named Anna.  But she was cheating on me.  I loved her with all my heart and soul.  There was nothing I would not do for her. When I saw her lying there sleeping blissfully in the arms of some other man, it was all I could do not to break down and die.  Maybe it would have been better if I had.  If I could of  just seen into the future, just one small glimpse into the hell that was to come, then maybe I could have just ended it then and there.

            But, I did not do that.  Instead, I killed Anna.  Anna and her unborn baby.  I do not know if the baby was even mine.  Even so I fired that gun and shot her in the head, I let the other man go, he just ran away and I did not care.  Then I watched Anna bleeding on the floor and felt this perverse sense of joy.  It is all over now.  She cannot hurt me anymore.  The pain, the agony that was beginning to suffocate me suddenly subsided.  I was free.

            For a short time.

            Somebody heard the shot and called the cops.  Perhaps it was the man Anna was with, I do not know.  The cops found me cradling the gun in my hand and staring down at my dead wife.  She just lay there.  And she looked like she did when I found her in bed with another man.  She was sleeping.  But this time there was a whole in the back of her head.  One that let her lifeblood flow out into infinity.  She was dead.  There was nothing I could do about that.

            The cops took me down to the station and charged me with murder.  I sat, cold and sick at heart.  What had I done?  Now I was going to pay with my life because of what I had done.  I knew that I would get the death penalty.  Because Anna was pregnant, I had killed not one, but two human beings.  That crime is punishable by death.

            So, when the man in the tailored blue suit came to my cell one evening to offer me a deal that would ultimately save my life, I was completely shocked.  He told me about this place, an experiment really that was the government’s top secret.  It was a type of prison where about thirty men were isolated in small cells.  There was no contact with fellow prisoners.  All the men there were once given the death penalty.  They could avoid it only if they stayed in the prison for ten years.

            I agreed to the terms that were set before me.  I could tell no one of this deal.  When I got out of the prison, it was called The System, I could go back to living a normal life.  I wanted to know why they were doing this, they told me they wanted to test what isolation could do to the human spirit.  I was ready to give up, but not on life entirely.  So the next day, I was off to spend ten years at The System. 

           I was blindfolded for the transport but they removed my blindfold once we entered the gates of The System. Coming up on the building, it looked like any old warehouse.  I felt a feeling of dread.  This was the place where I was doomed to spend ten years of my life.  They walked me into the building.  Lead me to my cell.  It was small, the size of a small powder room.  There was a toilet in the back, it had a lid on it that was to be my chair.  The toilet/chair combination pulled out and doubled as a bed.  They told me I would be spending most of my time in this small cell.  I would be taken out only to shower and to be checked by the resident doctor.

            So they locked me into the cell, there was no window, no clock.  They took my watch from me.  I would have no idea what time of day it was.  Even if it was day or night.    With a shuddering breath, I sat down on my seat.  Contemplated ten years.  Within the first five minutes, I was ready to kill someone.  I paced back and forth in my cell.  I had no idea how I was going to get through a year of this torture, yet alone ten.

            In the next week, I found out more about The System.  The toilet was connected to a lab somewhere in the  building.  All my waste went down there to be analyzed by their people.  There were cameras in every cell.  My movements were being watched constantly.  I felt like an experiment, which was precisely what I was.

            It has been one month in The System.  Today I actually saw another prisoner.  He was being lead to the doctor.  The sight of him turned my stomach.  He was pale beyond belief, his eyes were sunken in, and he was so thin he was ghostlike.  The fact that he did not even look at me as we passed in the hallway really got to me.  He simply stared straight ahead, as if in some sort of trance.  I wondered how long he had been there.  If his time was almost up.  I am still thinking about him as I lay here trying to sleep.  His image haunts my mind.  Follows me into dreams.  I wonder, will I end up like him someday?

            It has  been three months inside.  I can feel myself getting thinner. I can feel myself fading.  Sometimes I do not even eat the meals that they feed me.  My appetite has gone.  It has been gone for a long time.  I started to throw up last week.  I am sure they know about it.  That is why they sent me to the doctor.  But, he just shakes his head and says there is nothing  he can do for me.  I just have to survive, like everyone else in this living Hell.

            Five months have passed since I saw the outside.  My vision has gone bleary from staring at the walls of my cell all day.  My  thoughts turn to escape.  I must get out of here.  Either that or I am going to die inside.  Without ever seeing the sun again.  Without seeing my parents once more.  I will escape or die trying.  Desperately, I try to remember how I got to my cell.  The various guards and checkpoints I went through.  Suddenly the will to escape takes over.  Now I will do anything to get out.

            My plan is simple.  I find with time, I can remember the way I got in.   And now I remember the way out.  This morning on the way to the shower, I study the guards.  One of them is a woman.  She looks too nice to be inside here.  I work to get her alone, maybe she can help me.  I discover that her name is Mary.  She has two kids.  She is here to help support her family.  Her husband works all day in a construction site.

            I ask her if she can help me escape.  She looks shocked and tells me that she could never help anyone here.  It would be a death sentence for her.  I cannot put her in that position.  Then, suddenly, I notice a bulge on her right hip.  A gun maybe, I do not know for sure.  But then suddenly I am sick of this whole place.  I will see the sun again even if it kills me.  Like a man possessed, I grab Mary, holding her arms with one hand, I reach for the gun in her pocket.  It is there, there to save my life.

            Mary screams and runs for the door.  I let her put her hand on the doorknob before I shoot her.  She crumbles to the floor.  I do not know if she is dead or not, and I do not have time to check.  After making sure the gun is fully loaded, which thankfully, it is.  I sneak into the hallway.  I do not know if my cover is blown.  Somebody might have heard the gun go off.  But, the hallway is deserted.  Then I see a door at the end of the hallway.  A strange, yet familiar light beckons just beyond this door.  Blindly, I run towards the door.

            As I open it up, an alarm sounds, piercing the silent corridor with its shrill wail.  Guards come running into the hallway.  But, I do not seem to care.  All I care about is the blinding sunshine.  I stare into the dazzling blue sky.  I realize that I have been standing still.  I begin to run, run towards the fence that separates me from this prison and the glorious world beyond.

            Somewhere like a distant scream , I hear gunfire behind me.  I turn, just for a second to see that the guards are standing outside the door.  They have their guns pointed at me.  I run but their bullets catch me.  I feel them tear into my back.  Yet still I run.  On and on I run.  Even with blood pouring out behind me.  I am free.  Then, I fall to the ground, yet it is like I am still running.  The blackness seeps into my mind like the venom of a snake seeps into your blood.

            I die alone.

            Alone, but free.

            At long last, finally-

            Free.

Marching

Alone, at night, the men walk, the shadow falls,
softly to the floor.
You hear the sound of 1,000 marching men,
that march for a freedom that they
can never attain.
The journey they take, the road they travel,
leads to certain death, yet on they
march, soldiers of a timeless war.
Peace is not known in their restless hearts.
A cold place, a lonely grave.
They still march.
Past your door.
An aching creak arcross your soul.
A bend in time.
A lost world.
Let the music begin.
The deathtoll rise.
And yet again, utter oblivian.

Lunes, Bloody Lunes

We just sittin around chillin’

not much goin on here.

Just us and a gun,…

Now they took out Carlos, on

Lunes, took him out on fifth,

he didn’t see it coming,

just one slug and he gone.

We heard, they said

“They got Carlos, but you too

late, he already gone”

and then the fire begins,

halfway to Lunes we journey,

the fire never goes out,

it just keeps burning,

killing us in its searing heat.

Once you come in, you can’t

get out.  We know that,

yet we still keep grindin.

I can’t believe it’s almost

Lunes again.

And it’s just us, chillin,

thinking, dying.

Not much goin on today

with a gun, and our hearts

heavy, laden with grief.

We will find them,

they will regret the day they

were created.

Carlos, our Carlos,

this is for you, Chico.

Rat tat tat…

It’s too late, it’s over.

The circle continues,

where it is Lunes once

again.

One by one we fall,

all the time,

there is a bullet for each

one of us.

So, do ya feel this?

Lights out.

There is no light.

No sun to nurture the grass

and trees, because we have

no grass and trees at all.

We have concrete,

and pain, that’s all.

We need a miracle,

we need sunlight,

we need green,

it’s like we’re about to bust,

if things don’t change,

we want it, but we run from it.

We feel it, but we don’t understand it.

It’s on our minds, day and night.

Get us out, let us go.

How can we live like this?

Every Lunes, someone else goes.

And it never ends.

The circle just keeps on getting

Bigger and bigger.

Swallowing us in its depths.

We are lost, let us be found.

If we are dead, let us

live again.

So understand this, if you can.

We are inside the circle of Death,

and for some there is no way

out, but to go straight down.

LOST IN PHILLY

 There was no pain, there was no danger.

We ran, hand in hand down war torn city streets.

Oblivious to the roar of the 45, that was a constant

backdrop to our Universe.

We were lost in love, two soul mates running from

reality.

Then one day, like a fist of venomous thunder, the

Hand of Fate struck.

I didn’t see that man on the corner, nor the silver sheen

of his knife.

Yes, this is how it was, I felt you fall, only I wouldn’t, couldn’t

let you reach the ground.

I held you in my arms, and oh’ God how I tried to stop the bleeding.

You died in my arms.

My love, my lost love, I cannot breath without you.  All I can see

is your eyes staring heavenward, at some distant void.

And all I can taste is agony, as I watched your soul start to fade.

We took so much for granted.

We were in love, that love can protect us from our world.

And now how fragile life seems to me.

I am alone now, I walk those same streets a ghost of my former self.

A shadow whose spirit already walks with you.

I cannot bear this pain.

Everyday, every waking hour, is an hour of brutal torture.

This is not fair.  We had so much planned.  Our future, our dreams

Lost.

Lost to me.  Lost.

Until one day the pain becomes far too intense

And I see the gun lying there.

As innocent as we used to be.

Oh, God, the gun is pointed at my head.

I take a breath, the madness sinks in.

I pull the trigger.

I enter the void where you went after you died.

We are just a void,  just the empty space.

This is for you, my love.

Wherever we may roam.

Just One More

Just One More…

As I sit at the bar

alone in my thoughts.

Lost to the outside,

nothing left  inside.

I swallow my last,

just one more time.

And I don’t care

really about anything.

Anywhere.

Just one more.

And I can go home

to rest.

Just one more and

I can forget who

I am.

Drunk to oblivion.

Lead me to it.

I can feel awareness

start to slip away,

and I’m really lost

I know it inside.

Just one more…

I’m so sad.

I leave the bar.

Unsettled in my head.

I do not look back,

I cannot look ahead.

Trapped in this moment

in an infinite space in

time.

I journey in my car,

somehow knowing the

way home.

Driving…

Something thumps beneath

my car,

but I do not stop.

I feel the presence

of Death, heavy

thumping, thudding in my ear.

Much like the music

pounding in my head.

I don’t look back,

but if I had

I would have

seen a child laying

broken in the street.

I do not care.

I would not care.

Nothing matters but

this moment.

Knowing there is

more beer waiting for me.

Just one more…

And I can ride on

the cloudth.

I can live like

I’ve dreamed.

That I’m dead,

that I am death.   

That I’m no more.

I don’t remember parking

the car, looking back.

I remember the void

as it swallows me whole.

I’ve drunken myself

to where I was meant to be.

Dead.

I am dead.

Heart stopped, no pulse.

Oh’ please do not let

them find a pulse.

I look back upon my

dead body,  ready

to leave this space and

finally go forward.

Death welcomes me here.

I see the boy who

I must of killed

he crys out to me,

“Why?”

I enter into more pain

then I’ve ever known.

I finally feel what

regret is like.

I have lost all

and gained nothing.

I have found a Hell

worse than being alive.

Now that I’m dead,

I finally face reality.

Now that I’m gone,

I finally see.

That there never

was an answer

in the bottle,

but only Death,

and the eternal fires

of Hell, that trap

me from within.

INTRODUCTION

Come with me now,
come drift to the depths
of the sea of consciousness.
For in the next hour you
will leave your body behind
and fly.  Close your eyes.
Gently, softly.  You shall fall.
In your mind’s eye visualize
a gilded ball.  The ball is
located at your feet.  Now
our journey begins.  The ball
is alive suddenly, spinning.
As it spins feel the muscles
in your feet begin to relax.
Now the gilded ball begins to
move slowly towards your head.
Relaxing your knee muscles, than
your hips, then your belly,
then your shoulders.  Relaxing music
penetrates deeply within your soul.
Finally the gilded ball moves to
your head.  Leave all thoughts
behind.  Journey with me.  Travel
to a place beyond time.
You are now in a state of deep
relaxation.  Nothing can harm
you now.  You are in the arms
of God.  I will count from
10-1.  The lower I count the more
relaxed you shall become.
10-9-8- getting deeply relaxed.
7-6-5-4- deeper and deeper.
3-2-1-your relaxation is now
complete and you are ready for
our journey.  

A meditation technique a Master taught me when I was going through dark times. Roughly translated into my own adaptation.

HEY GHETTO LOVE

To my lover, his spirit wonders

the streets.

Me, you left me here, remember.

Sometimes it’s so empty here.

The world is an endless void

without you.

I still wonder how you ever

left me here to die.

In this world, we were both

hated.

We had only each other to cling

to as the ghetto smoked around us.

But, it never bothered me, until

you went away.

And I cannot think, I cannot try.

I'm dead inside.

I choke on the memories, so vivid

dancing within my head.

Everything inside of me is longing,

yearning, dying to be with you.

So take me right out of this world.

Take me to our void.

Wherever you are…

Be my love, ghost,

your spirit I still chase.

But I am chasing a phantom,

through the alley, to a dead

end.

I don’t understand.

Were we not invincible?

We always thought that nothing

could destroy us.

But now the world is black…

Help me.  But I’ve already gone.

I’ve already lost.

I am not myself, but a shadow.

A shadow of something that once was,

but now forever waits in the void,

yearning for the ghost to return.

The love to resume.

Your love is what I lived for.

And you died for it. I will join you.

There are no guns in heaven. 

Then let be there.

Let us go.

Let me out.

Into the void, and into heaven.

Wherever you are, I will follow.

I will find you, your spirit calling.

I will get there, wait for me.

Please wait for me.

I will await my turn to die.

Until I can be with you.

You.

Until you.

Composed for Ghost. There is no such thing as Death. I shall see you again. Please wait for me.

Flight of the Ghetto

     It began, the rain swept night, deep within the city.  I stood there, soaked in the downpour, dying inside.  Cars just passed on by, ever ceaseless, ever pressing.  The night wears on, and we just stand, alone with no will to be here.  Hector, Chino, Carlos, and myself.  Alone and lost in Philly’s badlands.

     The dawn came without warning, and our eyes, so accustomed to the dark, were not prepared even by its pale light.  The light gradually grows to brilliance, and we shield our eyes looking for our chance.  I felt I was in way too deep, there was no way out.  My last chance had past me by. 

We wanted freedom, just wanted a chance.  But our fate was written out in the story of the death.  We knew love, but it could not stop us.  We knew how to defend, kill, and protect.  But we never met to stare death face to face.  As I never wanted to be the only one standing.

     They took out Carlos, Chino, and Hector.  In the flash of chrome, my world crumbled, my heart ceased to feel, my soul ceased to be.  The bullets were meant for me.  It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. I begged Hector to take me with him in death.  Let me go down too.  I would rather take one thousand bullets then to ever feel this pain. It tears at my soul and I bleed and I bleed and I bleed.

     My boys shall never stand in the rain again.  Never shield their eyes from the sun’s blinding glare.  I will never be the same again.  For I got out, I alone escaped Death’s grip.  Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here.  What is life anyway?  A mere passing moment that you don’t even get the chance to enjoy.

     I think of the way Carlos, Chino, and Hector died.  The agony I feel consumes me.  I can laugh it off but I’m dying inside.  So I ran from Philly, like something unseen was following me.  But it draws me back, like a vortex of blackness, sucking me into its depths.  Back to Philly, where it began.

     So here I am, another rain swept night.  I stand deep within the city.  Whatever is chasing me cannot catch me anymore.  I’ve just let go, it’s over.  Chino, I see your ghost on the street.  You call to me to go forward.  But, you cannot seem to tell me where the road is.  I hear a voice in the distance, an echo of the past. Children going to school, as it is dawn once again.

     I shield my eyes from the sun’s glare, look into the distance, expecting to see that car coming slowly again.  Guns coming out of the windows like accusing fingers.  But there was nothing there but empty space and time.  I will walk from here for the last time.  Bury  within me the pain of the past.  For now I know what you meant Chino, by going forward.  You meant the road to the future, and the chance we all have been seeking.

 Death led you guys to freedom, and life will lead me to mine.  I walk down the road that leads me home, sleep, and awake to welcome the dawn.  A dawn that has never before been so receptive to my eyes. Everywhere I go, I will see your faces, hear the sounds of your voices.  To the city and back again, I live on in your name, carry out your legend in my mind. 

I know no fear, I have found the grace that we were seeking so long ago.  I must move forward and believe that one day, on my last day, I will go on to see your faces.  The old gang reunited.  So that my soul can finally, rest in peace.  So that I wander no more.  Until that day comes, I live here, on Earth.  The flight of the ghetto always within.  My ghosts, shadowing me, protecting me as I walk.  I am the city, I am the streets.  I am pain and I am light.  I am the shadow inside, I am freedom.  I am life, I am death.  I know no boundaries.  I have no limits.  I have myself, my will to carry on.  Through the rain, through the dawn.  Through life and through death. But, I lived, therefore I am… not a shadow, but alive. At long last…I feel alive. 

In memory of those I loved who are not lost, but forever alive within me.

Blood of the Martyr

 

The city lay in a dreamless sleep,

 I alone awake to face the coming

Dawn.

I had prophesized  this day.

That there will come a Dawn, when

time will forget our peaceful city.

And Dreams will turn to Shadows and

then to Dust.

For that day had dawned, the moment lay near.

I wore the Cloak of Night like it

was my armor.

Like it could protect me from

The Dawn.

As the first light strikes the city,

then comes the hue,

then dawning Oblivion.

For at the first clash of the sword

against Dawn’s early Light,

the battle cry awakened the

sleeping city,

from peaceful dreams,

to the coming of the Dawn.

The Martyr stood tall,

even he had yet to know

what this means.

He could not see his own fate,

even as it approached and awaited him

on his doorstep.

As the evil seeped deeper into

the city,

many turned and fled, but

none escaped.

No one was to get out that Dawn.

And the Martyr wept his own tears

of Blood, as his city fell around him.

He was thought to be Immortal.

The battle raged into the Day,

with the death toll rising ever higher.

And what could he do?

What could the Martyr do?

But stay and fight and be the

last to fall in battle.

And he shall.

And he did.

As the Veil of Night once more

Reigned,

not a shadow of the Great City remained.

For it had fallen unto dust.

Unto an Oblivion of its own Creation.

And who can weep now?

For what is done is done

and what is gone is gone.

But for I, who have seen all,

I will always remember that Dawn,

how the Blood of the Martyr,

washed over the city,

and everything seemed to recede

into the deepness of the moment.

I cry even now as I write this,

For few have known what I have seen,

and even fewer will ever live to see it again.

The death of the Martyr

Will live in me forever,

for I am the only living spirit

Who still walks today who 

knows his sad tale.

I carry my fear inside of me,

like I will live to see it again.

I know I will not escape it then.

For the Spirit,

Can only bear so much

before it too begins to bleed,

begins to fade,

Unto an Oblivion

Which I alone have not created.

Trepidation

The nightscape of the city lays awake at my feet.

I can feel the moonglow inside of me,

deep in my solar plexus there lingers doubt.

My fear has held me back.

It held me trapped here.

I alone cannot take flight,

for my wings have never known the

feeling of flight.

I tremble within.

I’m so afraid to live, even

though I’m not afraid to die.

Yet I’ve been dead all along.

The song within me will never

be heard.

My heart stopped feeling a long time ago.

Just waiting for the rest of me

to catch up.

Every time I think of living again,

the same fear creeps up inside of me.

I feel it from within.

My third eye is wide open.

It is coming again and there

is nothing I can do to

stop it.

Life is creeping in.

Like Death, very much like it,

it swallows me whole.

There is no being inside of me.

I pray for  a soul.

I pray to spirit.

I pray alone.

Nobody really knows me.

Nobody has seen me from the inside out.

They see only what they want to see.

Or only what I allow them to see.

The night sky watches me.

Beckons me into the night.

The night is the only place where I belong.

Where I feel alive .

The pale moonlight illuminates my body,

although I still walk in shadow.

I cannot find a reason why,

there is no why.

I just am.

Let me just be.

I will take this city.

I have returned.

I have awakened

They will soon know just who I am.

But always my greatest fear is living.

In daylight you are exposed.

People see your everything.

Creatures of the Night…

I do summon you by my side.

Let us quench our thirst on this

fallen land.

Let us be.

Let us be.

Tonite.

What I am you shall soon see.

What you shall be you shall soon know.

For I was there all along.

Seeking within.

Dead or alive.

Inside.

Inside of you. 

Becoming you

I followed you through the dark, lost centuries.

Dreams unraveled at your feet, I never lost

sight of you.

Our threads of life were bound together.

I trembled to my core as you laid your hands

upon me.  Such magick in those hands, you

caressed me from the inside out.

Yet I did not even tremble, I did not even cry,

as your fangs, you laid bare, and sunken

into my veins,

you drained the life from me.

I looked up into your eyes,

so trusting, always knowing that

you would never hurt me.

Yet it was you who drained me

you fed from me and then you wept.

For you loved me too, and now I was

dying before you.

Then your vein opened and a river

was poured forth into my mouth,

and I died again and again.

Now forever I have this gift, and not even

you beside me to share it with.

You have forsaken me. 

My heart bleeds.

I felt your loss, like an icy pull from my veins

as your fangs, you withdrew.

Unto where I shall never know.

To the night darkened sky my gaze slowly

drifts. Looking for stars in a sky that has

long since died but there are no stars left for me.

And so my long, dark raven hair falls

about me.  My world crumbles, the agony

I feel is almost unbearable.

I would rather be staked thought the heart

than to ever feel this pain.   

You killed me, yet I lived, 

a walking torch of vampiric agony.

Facing eternity in hell on Earth.

And somehow I feel you still alive.

I can hear your cold heart beat somewhere,

catch your scent in the winds of time lost.

Forgotten.

I am torn from myself.

The shadows I lurk,

I sleep the sleep of the dead.

Descending underground, dropping

through hells at every plunge.

I am this beast, I am the greatest fear,

and I run and I run and I run.

And get nowhere.

I asked for nothing,

I guess I should get the coldness.

Surrounding. Enveloping. 

I drink from those around me,

tasting their blood like sweet nectar

running down my throat.

Yet it is your heartbeat that keeps me alive,

My Creator. You made me who I am. 

Love,

I will find you.

I will taste of you again.

The hunger consumes.

Taking me down and down within
its depths.
Taking me down to you,
ever as I become you.

Blood Tears

The day we first met, the tingle

of my spine, I somehow knew you

would come to me.

We danced in each others shadow,

Barely clinging to each others pain

to stay alive.

Such a dear mortal, I loved your

mortal hands.

I have never known someone like you.

I did not even know they

even made such things.

We just fell in love.

My darkness to your light.

So what was I to do?

Tell me what I was to do.

I had no choice but to end it

where it all began.

If I showed you my core you’d

only run anyhow.

So what’s the point?

Why bother trying.

And I think of how everything

we’ve ever been through

together has led to this one

maddening moment.

You rise to meet me, to save me.

You think you can.

But then the truth is revealed.

My fangs, what I am inside,

I lay bare to you.

You run, but do not look back.

Oh, no, do not look back my love…

For I am right behind you.

Always was.

I approach you from behind,

where you have turned to look

to your lost love.

And I am right here waiting for you…

I nuzzle your neck, you moan

with pleasure.

I sink my fangs into your deepness 

and taste the forbidden fruit, 

your sweet nectar.

You moan beneath me as I

drink of your essence.

Touch you. 

Feel me. 

Inside.

Now you see me...

Do you feel that?

Can you taste that…?

Composed for Darius.... Do not seek, if you do not wish to find...